Tourette syndrome changed my life

Posted 19hrs ago
by Ruby Edwards

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by Ruby Edwards

Hi, I’m Ruby. I’m 20 years old and am studying English Literature at university. I’ve had tics since I was very young, such as nose scrunching and humming, but my family and I thought they were just anxious twitches.

When I was 15, my tics suddenly got a lot worse and more complex. They included shouting and swearing, as well as hitting myself. I felt like I’d lost all control of my body and was constantly in pain and exhausted from my tics. My life was completely taken over by them.

I was constantly dropping to the floor, hitting my head, and spending hours in a tic attack, stuck shouting phrases and repeating movements until I’d pretty much pass out from exhaustion. I stopped being able to play the piano, which I had been doing for 12 years. I couldn’t read a book without ripping it up. I couldn’t sit in a classroom without tipping over tables and throwing things. Eventually, I had to leave school as it was impossible to learn, and the anxiety of being there only made my tics worse.

After all this, it might seem odd to say that my tics saved me, but it’s true. Before being diagnosed with Tourette’s, I was depressed and anxious, and I hid myself away as much as possible. When my loud and disruptive tics made people notice me, I was absolutely terrified. But that attention also included medical professionals. Through this, I was diagnosed with Tourette’s and then later with Autism and finally felt like I was beginning to understand myself.
If there was a tablet I could take to get rid of my tics forever, with no side effects, I’d take it in a heartbeat.

However, if it wasn’t for my tics forcing me to seek help, first physically and then mentally, I may still be trapped in the place I was before, not sharing my struggles and hiding from the world.

Having Tourette’s is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I’ve lost many years to tics that were too severe to allow me to socialise or travel. Despite this, I managed to get some GCSEs, then A-levels, and now I’m at university, aspiring to be a lawyer.

I can’t deny that Tourette’s is horrendous, difficult, painful, exhausting, and scary, but good things can come with it. Tourette’s pushes your mind and body to their limits, but with that comes unbelievable strength and determination to persevere.

To anyone struggling with their tics, be kind and patient with yourself. You’re doing your best, and things really do get better, I promise.

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